Juneau, Alaska is cold.
Weather forecasters are predicting a high of 66 fahrenheit in June and a low of 43 – actually a whole lot warmer than a couple of months back – but cold enough to be diving into semi-frozen jello or jelly, depending on the English you speak.
Diving into dyed, icy, gelatinous glop is not as romantic as it first sounds. For men there’s the problem of noticeable shrinkage, while women suffer nipplage of extreme proportions.
While the Juneau Jello Jamboree™, held every June, is non competitive but rather a chance to flop into glop, organizers do appoint a Miss Juneau Jel™ every year.
“My dives are not what they once were and my waistline has disappeared’” says Stacey Du Bolonge, who was the first ever Miss Juneau Jel™ from 1987 until 1991.
She was the hot favorite until Kelvin now known as Kelly McCarson entered at the last minute and became the first transgender jelly winner. This led to some cruel headlines at the time relating to implants.
Away from the politics, thousands flock to Juneau each year to dive into the new flavors offered by Juneau Jel Inc, the sponsor of the festival.
“Last year the hashjel™ gave participants an even bigger high than normal,” laughs Juneau Jel Inc CEO Frank Todd Jr. “This year we hope they’ll get a real kick out of diving into muffin jello. It’s our latest flavor.”
“The vodkajel™ was a trip,” says Evvie Kasper, one of a German contingent that comes every year for “a nice sqvelch,” as she says in a sassy Rhineland accent.
BS Travel Guide will report live on BSTGTV from this jellathon throughout June.