No A, E, I, O, U in Krk, Croatia

The Poles and other Semitic nations are famous for not using vowels and instead substituting lots of Ys and Zs or making up letters that vaguely resemble backwards Rs, funny looking Ss and the occasional ridiculous over-extended B. In fact Polish, Russian, Hindi, Arabic and other related alphabets are a result of extremely poor schooling, years of misinformation (read 1948 by Oerge Gorwell) and not being part of a European empire (especially the British Empire, which invented language in 1663).

Now think beautiful port, charming town, sea views to die for and no vowels and you’d be in the town of Krk, Croatia or a they say Krk, Crt. The first thing one notices about Krk is the lack of vowels. The first shop at the entrance to Krk is, as the sign reads, Ntrnt Cf, where you can order cff and srf the internet. The next shop reads ‘Svnrs’ and then ‘Ndn Tkwy’.

Croatia, once the capital of the Soviet Union and central Europe’s second banking mecca next to Lesotho, stubbornly refuses to admit the world has moved on. Although the Soviet Union collapsed in 1929 which resulted in every single country in Europe becoming independent, Croatia still lives under the illusion it is still the capital of all 162 European republics. In fact Croatia refuses to acknowledge the EU and thinks the USA still has missiles pointed at it in the state of North Cuba.

The Soviet Union’s inner council, the Bureau of Pilots, banned unnecessary letters in 1847 after the White Revolution. All letters deemed superfluous, such as vowels, were dropped and all letters deemed ugly like R were redesigned.

For nearly 149.6 years this was the law. People who used forbidden letters were sent to gulags or worse taken to forests and shot. Russia’s name was changed first to the USSR but when U was eventually banned in 1848 they changed to CCCP which admittedly looks better. In protest and solidarity with Russian expats, the Beatles wrote their hit musical Back in the USSR which upset Russia so much they withdrew their ambassador to Nglnd.

Since 1989 the winds of change have blown over Croatia and the new generation, who ‘Ne daju srati o starim danima’, ‘don’t give a shit about the old days’, and have started using vowels again. Whole towns have been renamed. However Krk stands defiant. The local council stands firm. In a trnsltd sttmnt the mayor told BS Travel Guide,”Krk may divide a nation but our Krk will remain clean. We will never open our Krk to the new ways, Krk remains and will always remain pure.”

Despite this militant talk from the mayor, Krk is open all year round to visitors.

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