Dragons!

The first thing people ask when they hear about the country of Bhutan is “Where the hell is it?” Snuggled between Nepal, Bangladesh, India and China, Bhutan has been referred to as the world’s largest piece of scrubland abutting the world’s largest industrial plant. In fact, Bhutan means a place to park animals, but can be translated as a place to park vehicles, from the Latin Bhuta meaning vehicle and N meaning park. But we digress.

Bhutan is a fab place for partying, 18-30 romp holidays, a place to find love and lasting relationships with Bhutanese women (catalogs given out in advance) and scary prisons.

Most women in Bhutan are actually boys so be careful lads and always check your partner’s tackle to be safe.

Bhutan has a bigger claim to fame. This tiny European French colony is home to the legendary city of Damthang the world center for dragon breeding. Although outlawed in 1448, dragon breeding has been the main source of the city’s wealth right up to 1978 when the last dragon died.

The dragon museum traces the history of taming, breeding and exporting dragons from the very first recorded mention of a dragon in captivity in 567 BC. Dragons were originally bred for their urine which was used by Bhutanese (real) women as an aphrodisiac. Later, dragons were used as transport and some had wings grafted onto their back to enable flight. Every part of the dragon was utilized after its death. Scales were used for armour, the flesh was of of course eaten, the heart was especially desired as it guaranteed immortality. The last immortal Bhutanese man died in 1986 after eating the last dried meat of the last dragon.

Dragons can of course produce fire and although science has subsequently proven it is impossible for an animal to produce fire, nevertheless, Bhutanese dragons were employed to light everything from domestic fires to burning down enemy cities.

In 1776, the year Britain finally convinced America that independence was better than pointless colonialism, Bhutanese dragons were used to quell rebellion from within the American ranks thus paving the way to a peaceful transition of government. George Washington’s immortal words, “Observe good faith and justice toward all nations. Cultivate peace and harmony with all. If all else fails bring on the dragons,” are known by every American schoolchild.

The dragon museum gives way to a dragon-themed adventure park, creatively called Dragons’ World. Rollercoasters and dragon rides abound and extremely realistic carbon-fiber, fire-breathing dragons stalk the park in search of unsuspecting visitors who are cornered and then given second degree burns.

Beware of hawkers trying to sell “real dragon products.” Everything is fake including dragon-urine aphrodisiac. Although Bhutanese women swear by it, they have actually been drinking cat and dog urine for years. In fact since the magical qualities of dragon urine only work on women it’s a good way to tell the real women from the fakes, by the overpowering smell of urine.

Damthang can be reached by following directions. Visit http://www.GoldenDragonShowers.bht

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