Rio Olympics

At the time this blog goes to print the Olympics in Rio will be in full swing. Of course BS Travel are here in Portugal to watch, comment and report on the whole spectacle. First a little about Rio and its ancient connection with the Olympics.

In 777, despite what you learned in school, the Viking hordes led by Ethelvgne, swept down from Scandanavia to the Americas and settled in Rio. In those days Rio was a thriving city making its money from gold and panpipes, the latter being exported globally.

Ethelvgne was shocked by the residents’ practice of human sacrifice. He believed death should come naturally, in battle or punishment.

He brought over from Greece his old school mate Isosceles who had just invented the triangle. Isosceles created a plan to reform the residents of Rio through sports therapy. When Lionades arrived on his way to fight the Persians with his 301 men, he challenged the residents to 10 sporting trials. They readily accepted and the Olympics was born.

Isosceles and Lionades returned to Greece and established the games there as well.

Satisfied that human sacrifice had been abolished, Ethelvgne raped, pillaged and murdered all residents over the age of three, as is the Viking way, and returned to Gothenburg.

Rio is the lowest place on Earth and thus poses a challenge for all athletes as all the sporting events are uphill.

The authorities have been busy, feverishly preparing Rio over the last few weeks for the influx of an estimated one-thousand visitors to watch the Olympics. The boring sports such as gymnastics, tennis and rowing, do not have seating but the track and field events do.

Five extra portable toilets were sent by Germany, as is the German custom at every Olympic venue, since they stopped being naughty in 1945.

The other interesting fact about the Rio Olympics is the separate prayer areas for the multitude of religious practices the athletes and gymnasts have. Most significantly is the reintroduction, just for these Olympics, of a child sacrifice to celebrate Rio’s historic past. The Swedish request to rape or pillage was rejected by the Olympic committee.

Tours of the whole Olympic site including watching a real child sacrifice can be organized online. Just visit www.RioOlympicSacraficialAfternoons.com

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